Top Ten Reasons Why You Know You Are A Rookie Parent

(with apologies to David Letterman)

#10) You’re going to bed at the time you used to be getting pimp’d to go clubbin’.

#9) Discover that putting Post-It reminders on your forehead to help the daze and confusion actually works.

#8) Realizing you just answered the doorbell…with the Post-It still attached.

#7) Beginning to see metaphysical implications to Curious George’s adorable antics.

#6) The only bling you wear? Regurgitated Breast Milk.

#5) Keep nearly crashing during mountain biking while trying to find a better “latch” on the nipple of your water bottle.

#4) You begin to wonder why you ever had such difficulty waking up before 4 a.m.

#3) For the first time since you left home, you are stoked to have your parents keep coming over.

#2) Keep finding yourself saying cliche’s about your child like, “Oh it’s the hardest job you’ll ever love having.”

the Number One Reason Why You Know You Are A Rookie Parent…

#1) You have fallen unquenchably in Love in the deepest way possible with a toothless, bald midget who can’t even speak English!


Photo 1) Abba and Hanuman – Desert Father and The Monkey God(dess). this is my soon-to-be-patented, “Hanuman Swing” a technique guaranteed to stop a crying baby within 10 seconds or less.

Photo 2) Ananda and our Post-It Technique. Note Rookie Parent items on table.

Photo 3) How to turn a Marine into a Marshmallow: put his first ever Granddaughter into the ol’ Warriors arms! Jerry Kilpatrick’s first hold of Dewachen.

Photo 4) Amma (Beloved Mother) and i think i see a Hanuman head in there too! Such simple, natural, powerful m(om)ents are true Wealth. It ain’t about dinero in the bank, it’s about the ability to spend every m(om)ent with your own child. From my observations and meditations? America’s worst addiction is ‘professional’ Child Care. Young Humans, like all other Beings, vitally need the 24/7 presence of their parents. Handing a child off to Child Care after a few months totally detonates the subtle anatomical wiring and cellular assimilation that is responsible for the indelible pyschospiritual and genetic fitness of Humans. If a parent cannot or is not willing to do what it takes to be with their child constantly? Don’t have a child. Period. In the Scriptures, this is known as “Selflessness Sadhana.”

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