Planning for the future is like going fishing in a dry gulch;
Nothing ever works out as you wanted, so give up all your schemes and ambitions.
If you have got to think about something—
Make it the uncertainty of the hour of your death.



Most Noble Sangha Toward Wholeness,

ilg realizes that i may have painted this colorful, flawless chi-ldhood of Dewachen’s first 4 years…didn’t intend to…reckon it’s just natural for a New Daddy to portray all the chi, all the Truth Clinging (satyagraha) which i suppose all chi-ldren express.

well part – albeit an infinitesimal part – of Dewa’s life includes occasional Temper Tantrums…oh, you can probably imagine the intensity of Tantrum that our chi-ball of a Rinpoche can put out!   so intense can be her thrashing about and screaming that Ananda actually fears for her safety…the Tantrums visit about once every other or third day and last between 5-15 minutes.   ilg counts my Blessings;  i’ve worked professionally with a few parents whose chi-ld are derailed by daily Tantrums lasting several hours.   Poor Ananda…Ammaji…my Beloved Joy…y’all don’t know much about her upbringing…it ain’t pretty.  So, of course,  Joy defaults to a worst-case scenario as do most Mothers, i suppose, “Oh my God!  Maybe my chi-ld is mentally  ill!??!” It’s a natural thought process when your Little Precious One is behaving a lot more like Linda Blair in the Exorcist than the Shining, Radiant Being she is 99.9% of the time…

ilg doesn’t know if this will help you or any other Parent out there,  yet,  i’m gonna offer you the same words i offered Joy tonight as she was in tears about Dewa’s tantrums…i wanna go on record however,  even with over 3 decades of deep, wholistic coaching of hundreds of families…when it c(om)es to raising Chi-ldren?   it’s like fishing in a dry gulch;  it’s best to give up all your grand plans and expectations, and just Practice being present and grateful for the ride…


Dearest Beloved;

those Tantrums – no matter how scary and intense they are?

it’s just lifetimes whirling within hers and our samskaric cauldron…

hardest on you…

for you are M(om)….

Dewa still feels safe enough around you to vent her negative karmic winds blowing through her young-yet-eon old cells…

if there is a Way you can feel Gratitude within the Tantrums;  do it.

for,  at a spiritual level;  it is a Blessing of High Import and yet another reason why Dewa picked you as her M(om) this time around…

i’d let you know if i TAF’d anything even remotely associated with a genetic mental illness.   i do not.

she is simply a beautiful Soul on an advanced Path who Trusts you sooooo much that she can feel secure in venting the tremendous intensities of lifetimes

which c(om)e roaring through her precious Vehicle…

she’s only 4…

she’s only being herself…her true self.


i TAF MY tantrums are worse than hers!

and i’ve thrown trantrums my entire life…

i don’t have cancer,

i’ve overcome paralysis,

i deal with a LOT of multi-layered stress each moment…

and you know what?

ilg TAF’s Tantrums are deeply Healthy, Needed, and Wholes(om)e…

that is all,

your abbaji

8 Responses to “Conscious Parenting: Chi-ldren’s Temper Tantrums; the Teaching? give up all your schemes and ambitions…”

  1. Sandra Lee says:

    Precious Ananda,

    You are a wonderful mother to Dewachen Catherine Ilg. She knows this.

    I am an aunt to …26 nephews and nieces and grandma (great Aunty, they mostly call me Grandma) to 23 more children. I am blessed this way.
    My nephews and nieces tantrums range anywhere from crying very silently or to total bash out and biting and hitting each other, hitting me, hitting their moms and dads, and even hitting the grandparents. Living a a two bedroom house with 2 sisters and their families and me, mom, and little sister…. it was never quite.
    One niece, Mona, wanted to run away when she was still a teeny one, when she got very upset. She would go off alone and I kept an eye on her, giving her ..her space. After an hour or so, I would calmly walk to find her sitting in the trees. I would wipe her tears and we didn’t talk and walked home.
    Another niece, Shannon, would let out her frustrations by turning into a human pretzel. her fingers would would be in positions you could not imagine. she would tighten her body, that if you touched her , they was no softness on her skin. Again, I let her be.
    And OH…lets not forget my biting, hitting, I-will-trip-you, and throw you down niece. Her hair all tangled, and looking at you with those Raisin eyes..waiting.. until you gave her what she wanted NOW.
    You should see my tantrums.. I use to throw phones across the walls and it wouldn’t break. If I could sit on a mountain top and YELL all my frustrations OUT.. I WOULD.
    You see I could go on and on….. :) I would not trade them for anything.
    Ananda, you are wonderful… hang in there.


  2. Kevin Burnett says:

    In my house it seems that I’m the one having a tantrum more often than not. Both my boys never really had them and I was glad that they were able to take the long view where I tend to resist and lash out.

    One of the things I love about WF is that it made me shine a light on those parts of myself that I would rather have ignored.

    Onward and upward over and over.

    PS: Ananda, you’re doing everything you can and it’s wonderful that you are so tuned into Dewa (though hard on you).

  3. padma says:

    Ananda and Ilgji,
    i used to pee my pants (on purpose) and scream so loud when i didn’t get what i wanted that my mOm feared she would be reported for chi-ld abuse.
    Rinpoji–yours are “man-trums”–way worse than tantrums thrown by the chi-ldren 😉
    lOve headstone rock in the background!!

  4. padma says:

    Ananda and Ilji,
    i used to pee my pants (on purpose) and scream so loud when i didn’t get what i wanted that my mOm feared she would be reported for chi-ld abuse.
    Rinpoji–yours are “man-trums”–way worse than tantrums thrown by the chi-ldren 😉
    lOve headstone rock in the background!!

  5. coach says:

    Most Treasured Ones!
    THANK YOU sooooooo much!
    the Strength of Sangha, baby!

    head bowed to the Dance Of It All…including karmic waves of Anger Arising,
    { }

  6. Joy Kilpatrick says:

    My father just chuckles when i share of Dewa’s tantrums, adding “do you think you were any different?” Well….no… but…but… but….

    In Satya dear Shanga, it’s not Dewa’s tantrums that scare me as much as my role in the tantrum.

    i understand the samskaric, developmental winds flowing, swirling through her. Like all tantrums that occur individually or between partners, friends, siblings, children, strangers, enemies… it’s how the tantrum triggers the ego response in self and other.

    So for me, the Practice bec(om)es not about me (my stuff). Rather staying as clear and present, setting appropriate boundaries as not for her or i to get physically hurt. Then later when in a calm space planting the seeds of how to use the WF Lifestyle tools we practice and teach: Breathe and Posture, Appropriate Action, Mindfulness and Practice.

    Just like in our ‘Lil Yogis’ class the other day when doing partner work… the children faced their partner… hands at heart… repeating : “i will take care of myself, i will take care of you, we are One!”

    Thank you Shanga for sharing your stories. i TAF the more we share, the more we actually acknowledge and experience the Namaste space.

    Have a wonder-full day!

  7. coach says:

    Most Beloved Ananda,
    gawd, reading through your response above?
    oh yeah…THAT’S why we’ve been traveling lifetimes together!
    you are AMAZING!
    way to rock the WF Dharma and all i can do is learn, admire, and be amazed by your c(om)mand of c(om)posure…


  8. Sandra Lee says:


    oh how precious!
    ….Lil Yogi’s doing partner work saying “i will take care of myself, i will take care of you, we are One!”

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