Wholistic Fitness

Tis the season of mountain biking…fa la la la la la la…
don we now our gay apparel, fa la la la la la la la la…
time for hydrogen peroxide and antiseptic, fa la la la la la la…

photo taken just moments ago of my left leg and forearm.

it is SUCH A JOKE that i hold an Expert Mountain Biking Racing License.
i swear there needs to be a WF Category in all sports.
i mean really, i have not pedalled “Gunther” since October!
today i went out for an ‘easy’ hour MTB spin across the street.
‘easy’ in Flag means choosing a trail like ‘Dog Food’ which i did,
yet still requires a 3.5-mile, 800′ climb.
not only am i one month behind in my cycling training (and counting) thanks to
my fried lungs after winning that crazy Telluride nordic race,
i am also now the not so proud owner of mountain bike handling
skills the caliber of Beginner Womens level.

least i am not alone in my horribly ugly downtrodden kinesthesia on the mountain bike. everybody seemed to be crashing today. i saw two bro’s bite it on the ultra-classic trail; Schultz Creek which has seen the sweat and blood of such noble WF Warriors like Shelli Stein, Hakado Ru, Good Looking Alex, Todd Bishop, and many others. Today the trail was like the dirt equivalent to Belgium’s Ghent-Wevelgem road race, people were crashing all over the place. early season jitters perhaps.

including your homey here. i biffed it good going up Dog Food. i was about halfway up the trail and clearing several fallen trees along the way. see, in Flag when a tree falls across a mountain bike trail, it’s not cut up and removed. no sirree. what we do is pile up some rocks or limbs or both on either side of the fallen Tree Being and well, we ride over it.

sometimes.

by last fall, i was getting DIALED into rolling over these fallen trees, some as high as your living room couch. after all these trees ain’t like pussy ass trees…these here are the Giants of the Mountains; the Ponderosa.

unfortunately, ‘last fall’ is not today.

a new tree had fallen across Dog Food and i was in my little chainring, huffing and puffing and wheezing (my lungs are still messed up) and i see this moderate sized tree with a big rock in front of it.

i can clear that shit, i said to myself.

i dunno dude, my other self said to myself, it looks gnarly and you are going uphill slow and you don’t know if there are any logs or rocks on the other side of it.

yeah, but i’ve cleaned everything so far and i am feeling pretty good, my original talking self countered.

dude, i don’t know…it’s your first damn MTB ride of the season…said my other self.

i can do it, myself interupted myself, after all, how hard could it be and…i AM an EXPERT God Damnit!

and so with all the grace, power, and elegance of a Three-Toed Tree Sloth i popped my front wheel up onto the tree, and…
and…
and…
when i got on top of that tree?

myself said to myself;
Oh Shit.

there was another rock on the other side, however,
i was not on the line of that said rock.
my wheel was aiming for and now plunging into the abyss just next to the said rock.

i went down hard,
yet landed with as much yin attitude as possible and on an exhale of course…
hey, i might be a lame mountain biker however i AM a WF lame mountain biker!
knocked my noggin’ (always wear a helmet while mountain biking!)
and drew some gentle blood and crammed my knee against my seat tube.

“Welcome baaaack!” sang the United Mountain Biking Trail Systems of Flagstaff into my bruised head.

Picking myselves and Gunther back up and remounting, i smiled at the tree obstacle and replied,
“It’s great to be back! see you next time, buster!”

***

Flagstaff Mountain Biking Beta

next time you are in Flag and want a beginner/intermediate level ride of about an hour, you can spin on the route i did today; it’s 100% singletrack and glorious. you can walk over the fallen trees if you want. this route features steady singletrack climbing, ease of escape to Schultz Pass Road, fantastic jumps on the descent, and
an upper loop that is ideal for doing interval laps.

Start: Schultz Creek Trailhead off of Hwy 180 to the Grand Canyon – everybody in the world knows where this is…it’s in just about every issue of Mountain Bike Magazine. it’s right across the street from the WF Temple H(om)e)

* crank up Schultzy through the notorious ‘streambed section’ and then take your next Connector Trail on the other side of the trail after you cross the streambed ‘compression’. you will see it.

* grind up the Connector, across Schultz Pass Road and ferret out the singletrack on the other side.

* traverse through the trees, pick up a double track for about 200 meters, then keep your eyes peeled to the right; you’ll see “Dog Food” singletrack take off and uphill.

* enjoy a super sweet ascent on Dog Food with several fallen tree obstacles before arriving at ‘Pipeline’. remember; stay left on Dog Food to Pipeline.

* Right on Pipeline, downhill, uphill, gentle downhill then after about 800 meters, look right for “Lower Twister”. if you go down a SUPER STEEP DOWNHILL on Pipe, you’ve gone too far.

* rip the world class Lower Twister; scintillating singletrack. when it T-bones into a jeep road, turn right, up a slight hill and then dive back down on the Jump Trail before you reconvene with Dog Food! do laps or take the full descent back down the way you came up; HUGE FUN; HIGH SPEED; GO FAST! TAKE CHANCES! Wear your Helmet!

Note; do NOT repeat or republish this Flag MTB Beta; i’ll be hanged by my gear shifting thumbs if the locals find out! this route is NOT on any guidebook!