Published on Mar 19, 2005 by in Uncategorized

0

COACH ILG ATTEMPTS TO STEAL “JADE BOOK” FROM SUNRIDER!

captured mere moments before ilg began his fateful attempt to “borrow” the fabled ‘Jade Book’ from Dr. Chen’s World Headquarters of SUNRIDER by startled onlooker, ww. story below.

TORRANCE, CA – Earlier today, authorities apprehended a mountain yogi, Steve Ilg, at the posh World Headquarters of SUNRIDER INTERNATIONAL who, according to witnesses became very docile after police shot him several times in the back as he was scaling the massive building. Ilg fell three stories, landing in a well manicured petunia garden in the shape of the SUNRIDER logo. Upon impact, Ilg jumped up quickly saying to a growing crowd of interested onlookers (unique in this area of LA), “I’m okay, I’m okay…i used to fall as a rock climber all the time on much harder surfaces….the bullets however, do not feel that great.” Upon using “certain yogi meditation techniques” Ilg mysteriously dissolved the bullets and spoke disconsolately with officers about his prank gone awry.
“I was just trying to borrow the Jade Book from Dr. Chen’s Museum of Chinese Herbology.”
“The “Jade Book”?
“Yes, duh!? Don’t you doughnut boyz know ANYTHING about good nutrition? SUNRIDER herbs are based upon ancient Chinese herbal manuscripts which reveal the Philosophy of Regeneration and give precise formulations, enhancements, treatments, and cultivation for the most superior, energy providing, and cell empowerment on the planet. Dr. Chen, who owns SUNRIDER, has access to the actual Jade Book, i KNOW he does…it’s up there somewhere, and i am going to find it!”
The bewildered authorities, all fat bellied with cholesterol contents literally dripping from their eyes, were not impressed.
“If Dr. Chen produces his SUNRIDER products based on the Jade Book knowledge, why don’t you just eat the herbs instead of stealing the Jade Book?”
The question seemed to stun the already stunned yogin.
“Well, i do eat the herbs…i have for 20 years..how the hell do you think i became bulletproof? jeeeezo! whatever…I dunno…i guess i am just attached to the notion of stealing a Jade Book from a Chinese Master!”
With that, the yogi sprinted off to his motorcycle and was last seen telemark skiing in the nearby San Gabriel mountains whereupon the whacky yet passionate herbal warrior was stalking a yeti saying to our reporter, “i KNOW i saw the creature up there on the north shoulder of Mt. Wilson! i see his footprints in the snow up here all the time! i WILL find him!”

{Note; Dr. Chen’s world renown, Chinese Museum of History and Herbology is open for private Tours, tuesdays through thursdays yet will be undergoing a renovation from April to July…the priceless pieces of art objects stemming 5,000 years ago in porcelain, bronze, furniture, jade, and more is NOT to be missed for the preeminent display of such attainments reveal without a doubt the honor, respect, and peerless effort that Dr. Chen embraces in his understanding of the scientific art of that which empowers the human spirit. You can also tour the facility’s Botanical Gardens and glimpses of the unmatched processing of the worlds most superior whole foods and herbs are truly a precious gem of the world to embrace. visit www.SUNRIDER.com for more information. Coach Ilg is discussing with SUNRIDER corporate officers some very exciting possibilities in the near future for a closer working relationship between Wholistic Fitness and Sunrider. stay tuned DL for more!….and if you ain’t on the herbs, yet…click on a WF Teacher to the left of this forum and GET INTO THE SUNRIDER TEMPLE!}

and now,
for something completely different;
an actual Question and Answer!

***
Dear Coach Ilg,

���������������My Sunrider pack has arrived and contains something that I am unfamiliar with as they do not seem to be in your programme in TBT. May I enquire what the ‘NuPlus’ is, do I need it for Phase 1 of your programme. Can I also ask what I am do with the ‘Quinary’ that I have recieved, is this for phase 1 or for later.


Many thanks in advance for your help


Humbly


Simon Ash, Great Britain

***
Noble Student Ash,
i have chosen to forward your letter to my SUNRIDER Sangha as the Ilg Downline is international in scope and i get this question every now and then.

fear not!
“NuPlus” is the precursor product of “VitaShake.” Think of the two as the same. Here in America, the VitaShake is made from slightly superior formulation of herbs. It is a very amazing whole food herb powder that is deep and wide with a multivitamin/mineral, antioxidant, amino acids, and co-factors that make NuPlus and VitaShake a meal replacement.

In fact, this is why VitaShake (or NuPlus) is the backbone of my Ilg Supreme, the hallmark feature of Phase II; Cell Empowerment! Also, due to the immense nutrient saturation courtesy of VitaShake (or NuPlus), Dr. Chen made his amaaaazing SUNBAR’s from the NuPlus…that is right, whenever you eat a SUNBAR, you are eating NuPlus!

this is why when my SR Warriors begin Phase II and start drinking the ILG SUPREME, their overall caloric intake goes waaaay down because they are, often for the first time in their lives, ACCURATELY feeding and nourishing and BALANCING their five major organ systems and overall physiology! SUNRIDER’s eat less food, yet
uptake far more nutrients than the common food fed human. Encountering this new psychological terrain of not ‘wanting’ more food, can be quite disconcerting to most people…however, with our exceptionally trained staff of WF Teachers that usually oversee all my downline, we help people navigate this tricky inner terrain effectively and then, BOOM! They UpShift to to an exciting new Transformation and they are no longer slaves to food yet have taken a critical step in spiritual growth known in yoga as, Ahara Jaya or Mastery over Food.

The QUINARY is a herbal formula dating back to the Jade Book and is essentially, at least to me and my quality of life, priceless. The Quinary (the word implies “5”) feeds directly the 5 Major Organ Systems of the body; two immune systems (respiratory and T-Cell), endocrine system, digestive system, and circulatory system. priceless, i tell you. you will see. just keep committed each day to doing your Phase I, and then i will move you into Phase II…so keep the NuPlus and Quinary in stock…we will use them in another couple of months (the shelf life is fine for both).

in Summary (please memorize and say to yourself when taking in these products so your body/mind Link is strong):
NuPlus is essentially the same as VitaShake. Both are multi and broad spectrum nutrient whole food body ‘tonics’ that can thankfully and far more effectively replace all vitamin pills, mineral pills, protein powders, and other bio-engineered non-natural supplements that only toxify the body with strange molecular configurations that the body must work very hard to reconstruct into something it recognizes. We SR Herb Eaters, release this alien stress on the physiology and enjoy whole food, natural plants that are packed with potent life forces still intact.

Quinary is an ancient prestigious herb formula that feeds and supports all five major organ systems. When eaten daily, any weak link in the organic system eventually becomes strong and that is when dis-ease is erased and true health care begins! Strengthen the Whole. Wholistic Fitness IS Sunrider Herbs.

Both VitaShake and Quinary are featured in Phase II; Cell Building/Empowerment in my unique 3-Phase Approach to the SUNRIDER HERBS; the Official Nutritional Path of Wholistic Fitness.

thank you for your question…and i will see you soon,
herb-pickin’
in the Temple Garden of WF…
SUNRIDER HERBS!

namaste,
coach ilg

founder/Wholistic Fitness
director/SUNRIDER International

Leave a Reply