Wholistic Fitness

In my early DL post of yesterday, i addressed a question from a yoga student regarding the influence of females in yogic spirituality.

Today, in my coaching correspondence, a star student of mine and Defender of the WF Temple, submitted a wonderfully done WF H(om)ework assignment that i required of him. It is a report on an Assigned Reading book that i have given a few of my male Practitioners at certain points along their Study. The book, “The Way of the Superior Man,” by David Deida was actually discovered by a former Online Student and i have found the spiritual trajectory of the tome quit helpful to certain men, at certain points along their WF Journey. It has helped cultivate an appreciation of both male and female energies in the Students to whom i have assigned it…thus creating a type of spiritual launchpad for further, and Higher work in that most challenging and most rewarding ‘yoga’ of all; Relationship Yoga.

With this Star Student’s agreement, i have made his report anonymous so that his report, done with vivid insight and mindfulness may be helpful to your own Practice…be you inhabiting a ‘male’ or ‘female’ body this time around! His report (as well as the book itself) uses some interesting, challenging verbiage up front, however, stick with it, read the whole piece. The synthesis is graceful and awakening. If you enjoy this Noble Student’s book report, i suggest you support the author and purchase the book.

that is all,

coach ilg
author/TOTAL BODY TRANSFORMATION

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The Way of the Superior Man

A WF Book Report by Online Student ***

This book, by David Deida, explores what it means to be a man, particularly in relation to women and feminine energy. The book is divided into eight sections.

A Man�s Way
This section of the book sets out in general terms what a man has to do to live as a superior man. First, a man is defined by his purpose, his �mission.� Once a man discovers his purpose, he must live so that it the mission primary, and everything else secondary. If a man lives with his purpose first, then everything else will fall into place: his way of making a living, his way of dealing with women, his way of dealing with his friends � all will be in tune with his purpose and he will be confident of where he is going.

A man must live in the moment, now, and stop waiting for something to happen � for his job to get better, for his woman to change. He musn�t get bogged down in tasks and duties, or even family life, and instead must keep his eye focused firmly on the goal. He must live with an open heart, and with love, fully in the moment. He must fuck the world, penetrate it, rather than wait around passively. Because he is tune with his purpose, he must admit to himself that his relationships, both with his woman and his children, are secondary to his purpose.

A man must follow his purpose, and that means never going against his instincts just to please his woman. He can and should consider what she has to say, but in the end must make the choice he things best. If he doesn�t, his woman won�t respect him, and if the choice turns out to be wrong, he will blame her.

Men and women thrive, sexually, on polarity. That means that a man must be more �yang� — in the world, making decisions, following his purpose. If he doesn�t, then he will be more like a woman (and Deida uses the terms to mean more masculine and feminine, not in a strict gender sense), and the polarity will be lost. Women are shapeshifters, in the emotional moment, fueled first and foremost by love. Since they are fueled by love, and emotions, they need their men to be a steady presence. Also, a man must give up trying to change his woman, in essence, stop trying to get her to be more masculine.

Dealing With Women
This section of the book gives guidance on how to deal with your woman. For example, a man should know that women aren�t liars. Rather, they state their truths as they see it in the emotional moment. When the moment is gone, the �truth� goes too Unlike a man, who gives his word and sticks to it, a woman�s word is more contingent and provisional. How many times have I gotten mad at {my wife} for promising something one day, then revoking it the next!

Women also need constant praise. Dieda makes a nice point when he says that men lead by challenging others, while women do not learn this way. So, five times a day (at least), women need praise.

Because women are more like a force of nature, emotionally, a man has to go with the flow. When she storms, it is like a rainstorm � it comes, then it goes. A man has to stick tight and be steadfast to maintain love.
Love is important here. A man has to give all his love, and then give some more. When his woman is storming, he has to give her love. When she is critical, he has to give her love. When she is unappreciative, more love.

That does not mean giving in, however, or withdrawing and avoiding. It means standing strong in the storm. Also, a man must give his input and his decisions, or the polarity will cease.

Working With Polarity and Energy

Deida�s insight here is that men and women need polarity to have and maintain an intimate relationship. Polarity refers to the fact that men and women are different psychologically, and have different needs. Polarity must be present for the opposites to attract. Whereas the feminine is concerned with relationship, with children, with the other person, men are concerned with their mission, their careers. IN order for there to be attraction, men and women must keep their respective roles.

For men, this means that you have to accept the feminine in your woman. That means she can be unpredictable, exasperating, etc., and that is actually the beauty of the feminine. Also, there is no shame in being attracted to the feminine, be it a young woman or old. The trick is to appreciate the energy without necessarily trying to own it.

What Women Really Want

The answer is, no one knows. Seriously though, what women really want is for her man to be true to his mission. So she will test him all the time. What she says she wants, therefore, is often not what she really wants.

A big insight for me is that Deida says her complaint is content free. This means that what she is complaining about is rarely what she is complaining about. IF she gets mad because I haven�t mown the grass, it isn�t because the grass is long. It�s because I am not honoring my word � I said I�d cut it a month ago, and haven�t done it yet. The trick is to hear the complaint as a sign from the Universe to get your shit together. In other words, the complaint ain�t personal � it�s a nudge to get you to be your best.

She also wants you to make the decisions. She wants you to hear her input, consider her input, and then, ultimately, make the decision and stick to it. This has been a frequent downfall for me. For many years, I�d just say �fuck it, we�ll do what you want� � even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do, and even though I�d be proven right later. That�s on me. What I should have done is just made the decision and stuck to it.

Your Dark Side

Men desire freedom, and should own that desire instead of pretend it isn�t there. Women respect that. Also, women don�t want you to be a wimp � they want a warrior.

Feminine Attractiveness

Deida encourages us to appreciate feminine beauty and attractiveness not only for its own sake, but as a way to look beyond, to see the feminine energy of the universe as manifested in a woman. By denying our need for the feminine, we turn our woman off. We must desire her or she will become depolarized,

VII Body Practices
Here Deida integrates yogic practices into sexual desire and gratification. First, ejaculation should be consciously chosen. For most men, ejaculation is the end of the sexual act. For Deida, it is the beginning, or perhaps not necessary at all. The greater point is that sex should be a way to fully commune with your woman, and through her the world. For example, breathe down the front, essentially opening up the chakras.

Deida also speaks of ejaculating up the spine. You�ve been pointing me in that direction through mula bandha exercises. I think what Deida is getting at here is releasing Kundalini energy.

This is a recap of the book

The first time I read the book, I was a little critical of the style, grammar, neologisms. On a second read, I think it is very profound. A lot of our problems are due to my letting the polarity lapse, and letting {my wife} run her masculine side. Instead of standing up to her, I�d say �fuck it,� even if I knew she was making a bad decision. Then later, I�d resent her for it. Instead, I should have been sticking to my guns.

Other insights are that I let the polarity lapse. The truth is, our relationship is most important to her, and my mission (or at least discovering my mission) is more important to me. I will never please her by pretending the relationship is the most important thing for me.

Having said that, there is plenty I can do to make the relationship better. First and foremost, by finding and following my mission and purpose. By recognizing that the relationship is the most important thing for her, I can do little things to make her feel like things are working. Just holding her hand, or holding her in the morning. Telling her she looks beautiful. Getting her some flowers. These little things never seemed that important to me because I was looking at them from my perspective, not hers. From her perspective they are symbolic of the relationship as a whole.

Putting some of the practices of the book into place are already making my life better. I must confess I haven�t been doing much with the body practices. That�s next.