5 Top Best Things About Being A St. Columba Altar Boy…

Published on Oct 06, 2011 by in Teachings, WF History, WF Transmission

1

Before….

and…

…Now

From Altar Boy to a Fitness Monk Ordained But Still Prefers Lycra…

5 Top Best Things About Being A St. Columba Altar Boy…

#5) Weekends without any funeral or wedding or Holiday Mass Rehearsal  (they were far and few between, trust me!)

#4) Bernadette Berry  (never mind, besides, she’s one of my FaceBook Friends)….

#3) Nipping (okay, okay…chugging…there, you happy now?)  the Service wine and chompin’ the unBlessed (Thank God) hosts after Service…

#2) Not Mother Murphy…

#2b) During 6:00 am freezing cold Services during the middle of winter,  when the congregation came up to get their Blessed Host,  we Altar Boys would hold the long-handled copper plate (which was waaay below freezing) under their chin to catch the Host if It dropped…however,  we would steer our frozen copper plates so that they would contact the upwardly strained throats of the Receiver and cause an instant (and to our young, malappropriated, misplaced amount of testosterone) and fun to watch convulsion in response to the cold contact at their Visshudha Chakra…of course, the solar opposite of this Bad Altar Boy behavior was during the excruciatingly long Service of the Stations of the Cross,  us CandleBearers would flick the accumulated hot wax directly onto the unsuspecting members of the Congregation, and hold back our laughter as the hot wax sizzled their skin and melted their overly perfumed, fancy clothes….oh like right,  you’re gonna pass Judgment now on young ilg?   like…maybe we weren’t directly transmigrating a tiny fraction of the suffering of Amazing MahaYogi Jesus by our little antics?

… and the #1 Top Best Thing About Being A St. Columba Altar Boy?…

it’s a tie:

#1) Bearing and feeling cellular, spiritual Witness to the fantastically awesome Concept (if not technique/teachings), Baroque music, and Latin (not no more!) that was hitting us each and every day…before getting schooled by the Nuns!

and

#1 too) Graduating and entering the public school system in the 7th grade…

recovering Catholic still and still LOVING and WORSHIPPING Yogi Jesus…


rev. ilg

yes, ilg does do Weddings…who else gets hitched by Ilg?  maybe YOU!   let me know!   also, spiritual counselings and coupleship facilitation are always available via person, phone, or online

contact:  steve@wholisticfitness.com

One Response to “5 Top Best Things About Being A St. Columba Altar Boy…”

  1. Roberto Crespo says:
    October 6, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    You left out ringing the bell during the Eucharistic Prayer when the priest says “…do this in memory of me.”

    RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG

    It was all I could do to not ring that bell like the Gong Show gong…….

    Baptized, First Communion-ized, Confirmed and now Recovering Catholic…

    Yogi RC

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