Dewa woke up this morning with the words,  “Am i really FIVE?!?”

Noble Sangha,

What an amazing day….

Dewa woke up this morning with the words,  “Am i really FIVE?!?”

Born at the ideal Brahmamuhurti time of 4:24 am today,  on a date that is deeply auspicious for most Americans,  Dewachen Ilg came into Being on this plane(t) within a surreal Golden Light streaming from the Sacred Peak of the North:  Dokoosliid in Kinlani, AZ in 2007.    Born at high altitude through an older couple both of whom were dedicated to non-parenthood (her mother medically declared infertile and her father  practicing Brahmacharya -celibacy) at the cusp of the Great Recession.     It is an appropriate setting for such a Soul as Dewa’s to incarnate.

If i could take more than a m(om)ent to ruminate over the past five years,  i could probably c(om)e up with some pretty snappy prose about these past 5 years…yet, Parenthood – especially at age 50 and trying to eek out a living as a yoga teacher?    Well,  rumination is a trait of my former life…not the current Time Trial within which my Practice now must evolve…instead of de-volve or dee-minish entirely!

Birthdays and Deathdays.   ilg’s ears hears a LOT of the former.   not so much of the latter, which puzzles me among 10,000 other things peculiar to modern man.   It is only when people suddenly feel they are losing their partner, or their life,  or when they – like Ananda and i did today – celebrate a birthday of a son or a daughter that we realize at a whole new, deeper Layer of the Samskaric c(om)pression of eons,  how much they love them.   It’s tempting to cling on even tighter to them…i know by direct experience today that i came very close to several precious m(om)ents of nearly squeezing the LifeForce from Dewa as we played, cuddled, and chilled together throughout this Blessed Day (see my Facebook page for a cute video of Dewa’s schoolmates singing her Happy Birthday….i tried to post it here to no avail, sorry!).

Yet,  having been highly trained by my Teachers,  even as i squeezed my daughter like an elixir sponge,  even as i smelled her still baby-esque scent from her svelte skin,  the more i grasped her, the more she escaped my desire to protect, safeguard, and cling to her.   the spiritual Teaching arose from within that precious little freckle behind her inner thigh;  the more i cling to her chi-ldhood the more fragile – instead of fluid – our  relationship bec(om)es.

So often we want happiness to endure (just look at Dewa on my Facebook vid…of COURSE you want those m(om)ents to last endlessly!).  Yet happiness is a transitory state.   Even Enlightened Ones do not dwell in Happiness for They have Realized happiness is temporary and the very way we pursue it is so clumsy and unskillful that it brings only more sorrow and suffering. Usually we assume we must grasp and cling in order to have that s(om)ething that will ensure our happiness. We ask ourselves: “How can we possibly enjoy anything if we cannot own it?” Of course this is MY CHILD!   Or dog.   Or money.  Or car….or Self.    How often attachment is mistaken for love!   ilg understands that when the White Man began ‘settling’  (interesting Word Choice)  Turtle Island’s western ‘frontier’ the Native American’s were absolutely baffled by the White Man’s penchant for putting up fences around ‘their’ land.   The Land is not theirs, they must surely wondered,  The Land belongs to the Great Spirit….is putting a fence around The Great Spirits’ land really going to be the causation of Joy (as opposed to the temporary state of happiness)?

How many fences have YOU built around the various forms and things you think you ‘own’?

Which begs the Higher Question:     Even when the relationship seems to be Go(o)d one,  like my love for my teaching, skiing, yoga, sweat, bikes, climbing, and my biologic family,   love is easily spoiled by attachment with its insecurity, possessiveness, and pride.  When those things – or i – disappear for one reason or another?      Love is gone, all i have left to show for it are the “souvenirs” of love, what my Teacher called,  “the scars of attachment.”

Go(o)d Luck with that in the Bardo, ilg….Go(o)d luck…

Such are the TAF’s which will inevitably arise as i watch Dewa blow out her five candles during her birthday party this Saturday…

Birthdays,  Deathdays, Todays,  Yesterdays….all just a house of illusory cards…

so,  keep the breath low, sacred, and serene…

Kali Peh!

head bowed,

your know nothing teacher who cherishes everything…especially you!

Leave a Reply